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Thursday, 21 December 2006 |
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The partridge, the pear tree. I trust both have arrived safely on this First Day of Christmas. The partridge, unfortunately, required mounting for shipping. Taxidermy. I had to strangle the poor bird with my own two hands. Sometimes small cruelties must be tolerated for the greater holiday good—in this case, pears. |
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Wednesday, 20 December 2006 |
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Habitat's newest effort is a joint venture with Home Depot, who donated 27 intact cardboard boxes to help get the program off the ground. |
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Wednesday, 20 December 2006 |
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Snow flakes aren't the only things falling from the sky this Christmas as people are throwing themselves out of buildings and off bridges at a higher rate than any holiday season on record, officials report. |
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Wednesday, 20 December 2006 |
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Protests as Government Awards Christmas Franchise to Porn Baron! Nativity Sidelined in Favour of 'Sexy Santa' as New 'Adult' Orientated Yuletide Unveiled! |
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Wednesday, 20 December 2006 |
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Time’s editors explained that Bush ran away from the field on all the key components that make up a Man-Child: a very brief attention span, inability to speak in complete sentences, a propensity to make a huge mess and then blame others for it, and a bedtime of 9:00 p.m. |
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Wednesday, 20 December 2006 |
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Over a month ago the Whitehouse responded to claims that it was illegally recording tens of thousands of telephone calls placed by or to American citizens who are not considered to be suspects in the war on terror. The president has since come out and declared painlessly that these unauthorized and non-court-sanctioned recordings are completely legal because he says they are, so now, based on this absolution, the National Security Administration would like to issue this simple request to you good, law abiding American citizens – Could you please speak more clearly? |
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